Pregnant With Baby Number Two: The Emotions Nobody Talks About

Pregnant With Baby Number Two: The Emotions Nobody Talks About

Everyone tells you how exciting it is to have another baby.

And it is. Truly.

I feel so incredibly lucky that we’re going to have another little person to love. I can’t wait to meet them, to know who they are, to see their little face and watch Rae Rae become a big sister.

But alongside all of that excitement are feelings I don’t think people talk about enough.

Because this time, I’m not just preparing to become a mum.

I’m preparing to become a mum of two.

And that feels like a whole different thing.

With my first pregnancy, I had so much time to think about the baby. I could imagine what life would look like, spend hours thinking about names, tiny clothes, routines and what it would be like to finally meet my baby.

This time, I’m already a mum.

I have my Rae Rae ♥️

My days are already full. My hands are already full. My heart is already completely full.

And sometimes I look at her and think, how am I going to love another baby as much as I love you?

I know people say your heart grows, and I believe them. But I think it’s normal to wonder how it can possibly happen when you already love someone so much it physically hurts.

And then there’s the guilt.

The guilt of knowing that right now, Rae gets all of me.

All of my cuddles. All of my attention. All of my bedtime stories. All of my time.

And soon, she won’t.

There will be another tiny person who needs me too.

I’ve wondered so many times whether she’ll feel like she’s lost something. Whether she’ll wonder why Mummy can’t always pick her up because she’s feeding the baby. Whether she’ll understand why sometimes I have to choose who needs me most in that moment.

And there are honestly so many other thoughts going through my mind about sharing my time, my attention and myself between two little people. But I’ll save those for another blog… 😜

And then there’s another thing I’ve found myself worrying about…

Us.

Me and Connor.

Our relationship.

Right now, we really value our time together. We love our little family life, but we also love being a couple. Those moments where it’s just us. Finding time for oneanother. Having a date night. Sitting together after Rae has gone to sleep. Even just having a cup of tea/hot chocolate and actually being able to talk.

And I’m nervous about how much harder that might become.

Will we be like passing ships?

Will one of us constantly be with Rae while the other is holding the newborn?

Will there be nights where we barely speak because we’re both completely exhausted?

Will we still get time to be us, rather than just Mum and Dad?

I know that these things will change. Of course they will.

But I don’t want to lose that part of us.

I don’t want Connor and I to become two people simply passing each other the baby, asking who changed the nappy and working out who is going to get up next.

I want to believe we’ll find our new rhythm.

That we’ll find little moments for each other amongst the chaos.

But honestly?

I’m scared of what our new normal will look like.

And then there’s the practical side of it all.

Even now, finding someone to look after Rae can feel a little tough. We’re lucky we have family close by, but Rae isn’t the best sleeper.

So what happens when there are two children?

Two little people with completely different needs, routines and personalities.

Will we ever get a date night again? Or in the next 2 years?

It sounds silly, but it’s something I think about.

But I also remind myself that this is the bit nobody can really prepare you for.

Your family grows.

Your life changes.

Your relationship changes.

Your routines change.

And somehow, you find your new version of normal.

Maybe date nights will look different for a while.

Maybe they’ll be takeaway on the sofa once both children are finally asleep.

Maybe we’ll have to become much more intentional about making time for each other.

Maybe we’ll have to ask for help more than we’re used to.

And maybe, eventually, we’ll look back at this stage and wonder why we were so worried.

I don’t know what our new normal will look like yet.

And perhaps that’s what scares me most.

But underneath all those worries is something much bigger.

Love.

So much love that we’re willing to step into the unknown and completely change the life we’ve built because we know there’s room for one more.

I don’t think I’m scared of having another baby.

I’m scared of losing parts of the life I love while making room for the new one.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe motherhood is constantly learning that you can grieve one chapter while being incredibly excited for the next.

Right now, I’m trying to remind myself that I’m not taking anything away from Rae.

I’m giving her a sibling.

I’m not losing my family.

We’re becoming a bigger one.

And maybe Connor and I aren’t losing us either.

Maybe we’re just about to discover a completely new version of us.